Sometime ago, we watched a TV program in which a lady (I do not recall who she was) talked about fulfillment in life, and how to achieve it during the retirement years. According to her, one just needs to re-find the inner child in themselves. To do that, we simply need to come back to the activities we enjoyed best in our childhood.
I thought, “What was it that I liked doing best when I was little?”
The answer came, “Nothing in particular.”
A few seconds later, I reminded myself, “Cemetery!”
When I was a kid, at least once a month, I went with my mom to the local cemetery where my grandma had been buried. At that time, there was no paid grave care service – people cared for their relatives’ graves on their own. What we usually did at the cemetery - removed weeds/ leaves from the tombstone and its area, put flowers and put/lit lanterns on the grave. The candle/lantern light is a sign somebody remembers about the person whose body is buried there.
Once a year, before All Saints’ Day, we also cleaned the tombstone.
When I was little, mom did most of the job, I carried bags with leaves to the trash can, brought water from the nearby tap, and lit lanterns.
You could easily tell which graves were not attended to. They looked forsaken. I called them “abandoned gravies”. I did not want them to look sad and forgotten so I always put and lit a lantern on each such a grave in the section where my grandma’s tombstone was. I also enjoyed relighting lanterns (blown out by the wind) on other nearby graves.
During our visit, at the cemetery, mom was usually busy tidying up grandma’s burial place, I was running around lighting candles. Once, I was so much into it that, accidently, my new jacket caught fire. Luckily, mom was close and saved me and the jacket. Later, she fixed it in such a way that no one could tell in which spot the burned hole was.
When I grew up, we still visited the cemetery quite regularly, but not as often as it was in my childhood. I did not do my used to be “lighting lanterns” routine, though. Well, at least not that much.
These days, I still like visiting cemeteries especially places where old graves are. Lighting candles, however, where we live now, is not allowed here due to fire safety rules. I do something else instead.
Presently, most people still look after their family graves personally, not relying on paid care.
Reflecting on the above mentioned TV program, I realized that nowadays, one of the things I enjoy most is what I call “helping the ones who passed away to not be forgotten”. I mean not only researching and writing about our late close and far relatives but also doing the same regarding other persons, who lived before our time, not related to us at all. Somehow, I can feel they all want to be remembered.
In a way, I have made a circle and come back, in a bit different way, though, to what I used to do in my early years.
The cemetery we visited in my childhood is a real necropolis - so large, the size of a small town.
You do not need to wait until the retirement to re-discover the kid in you. Find the time in your life to do what you enjoyed doing in your childhood. Most likely, the activity will be an adjusted version of the one from the past due to the changed life circumstances, and also to the current you, your present abilities and possibilities. Play and have fun.
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Photos taken on All Saints' Day - November - many years ago
Since I lived by the sea for a few decades, the Navy is the military formation which has always been closet to my heart.
The uniforms of the Polish Navy are always of the navy blue color + black shoes, not white as in the US.
During various kind of the Polish Armed Forces parades it was the "sailors" units that caught my attention the most.
I was so very used to their presence in the area where I lived, and the sight of a Navy officer and/or a regular Navy service person was quite a frequent and usual experience, part of life at the seashore. You could see those men and women on the city streets and on TV all the time.
There is Naval Academy in my home city in Poland. The academy is over 100 years old. Its motto is "Amor patriae suprema lex"/ "Love of the fatherland is the supreme law".
Another thing is the patriotic part. On All Saint's Day, we always lit lanterns at the monument dedicated to defenders the Polish coast at the WW2 time. It is a pity I do not have a photo of that monument taken on November 1. It was always surrounded by the light of dozens of lanterns.
Monument to the Polish Sailor in Kosciuszki Square, Gdynia
The monument dedicated to the Polish Sailor is a location where patriotic ceremonies take place at various occasions including the Polish Army Day on 15th August.
When I was younger, everybody who lived in our region, knew the song "Sea, our sea" know also as "Although each of us is young". It was the school song of quite a few elementaries but not only. The song was commonly sang by scouts among others. It is one of the tunes played most often by the Polish Naval Forces Representative Orchestra.
The song was written in the 1920s/30s by captain Adam Kowalski at the beginnings of the Polish Navy and the naval port/ city of Gdynia.
Loose translation of the first part of the song main part:
Although each of us is young, we are called old salty seadogs.
We, the guardians of Polish waters, Polish sailors we are.
Ref. Sea, our sea, we will guard you faithfully.
We have orders to hold you, or at the bottom, at your bottom fall,
or at the bottom with honor fall.
No force, no storm, will take Gdynia from us.
Our fleet, though not big, faithfully guards the port gates.
Sea, our sea, we will guard you faithfully.
We have orders to hold you, or at the bottom, at your bottom fall,
or at the bottom with honor fall.
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Photos taken at the Naval Academy and Kosciuszki Square in Gdynia (2008).
UPDATE
Looking through my old files I have found the photos of the monument to the Defenders of the Coast fallen in 1939.
All Saints' Day. The later during the day it was and more people were coming to the cemetery, the more lanterns were lit
Not long ago, I relistened to the old “Tom Dooley” song. Since I like it, I used it during our line dance class. Surprisingly, one of the ladies (of my generation, born and raised in the US) had never heard the song and its title.
I came across “The Legend of Tom Dooley” movie made in 1959. Michael London, who played the part of Tom Dooley, was so young then. I do not know whether I had seen the actor in any other show made at the beginning of his career.
Anyhow, some parts of the movie plot did not make sense at all so I decided to find out more about the tragic main character. I guess, Thomas Dula (as his original name was) wants to be remembered, too.
Thomas Caleb Dula was born in Wilkes, North Carolina, on 22 June 1845. His parents were Thomas P. Dula (born in about 1794, in Wilkes County, NC) and Mary Keeton (born in about 1800, in Patrick County, Virginia). Mr. Thomas P. Dula was the grandson of Robert Dulin of the English descent, who emigrated from Ireland/England to Essex, Virginia, Colonial America.
Thomas Caleb was the youngest son of his parents. Tom’s younger siblings were Anna Evelyn (born 1825), Selina (born in 1830), John (born about 1834), Lenny (born about 1838), Louisa (born in 1838), and Elisa (born in about 1844).
Mr. Thomas P. Dula, the head of the family, passed on 10 November 1854. The land that belonged to the man was granted to his wife (1).
Young Tom got romantically involved with his cousin Ann (Angeline) Pauline Triplett Foster. She was born on 8 May 1843. Her mother was Charlotte Triplett Foster (born 1818), daughter of Thomas Bell Foster. Ann’s father was John Foster (born in 1793).
Ann married James Gabriel Melton on 22 June 1859 (2). He was born in May 1838. The man was a well established farmer and shoemaker.
Census, 24 August 1860 (3), Thomas (age 15) lived in Wilkes County, NC, Post Office Elkvill, with his mother (age 60), brother John (age 26), and sister Louiza (age 22). The mother, ran a farm with the help of her children.
James Gabriel Melton enlisted into the CA on 12 June 1861. He served with Company C, 26th Regiment, North Carolina Infantry (4).
He was wounded at Gettysburg and then again, 2 years later, at Hatcher’s Run. James was taken a prisoner of war when he was in hospital in Richmond. Then he was sent to the camp at Point Lookout, released on 26 June 1865, after signing the oath of allegiance (5).
Young Thomas joined the CA on 15 March 1862 and served in Company K, 42nd Regiment North Carolina Infantry (6).
In 1864, Thomas was wounded and taken care of at the Church Hospital in Williamson, Virginia. Later, the man was captured and was a prisoner of war in Port Lookout Maryland. Tom Dula was released on 11 June 1865.
Thomas was the only son of Mary Dula who came back home alive from the war. Two of his brothers were killed during the war. Thomas’ family home was in Wilkes County. Soon after coming back from the war, he restarted his relationship with Ann Melton.
The man was also intimately involved with some other women including Ann’s cousins, Pauline and Laura.
Laura (born in 1843) was the daughter of Wilson Foster (born in 1811), the brother of Charlotte Foster, who was Anne’s mother. Laura’s mother was Martha Bowman, who died in about 1863. The girl lived with her father Wilson Foster in Caldwell County, NC.
Pauline was born in 1843 to Ann Carlotta Church and Levi Leander Foster. One researcher suggests that Levi was an illegitimate son of John Dula and Mary Foster, the daughter of Robert Foster, brother of Wilson and Charlotte. John Dula (born in about 1800) was a younger brother of Thomas P. Dula, Thomas Dula’s father. In that way, Angeline (Ann), Laura, Pauline, and Thomas were quite closely related.
Pauline, invited by Ann Melton, lived at the Melton’s home and worked at James’ farm as a hire hand.
It is said that Laura got pregnant by Tom. She was stabbed with a knife on 28 May 1866, in Caldwell, NC. Her body was found about six weeks later. Thomas and Ann was arrested and accused of killing Laura. The trial was moved from Caldwell to Iredell County. It started in 19 October 1866.
I have read the transcription of the trial (7).
From the testimonies of the witnesses – it was common knowledge that James Melton did not share the bedroom with his wife Ann. It was also known that Thomas was at the house almost every day, and, occasionally, spent the night there. At such occasions, he first would have laid down where James Melton slept. Later, Thomas slipped to Ann’s bed (from Pauline Foster’s testimony).
Another fact used against Tom was what he had said to R. D. Hall. According to that witness, Thomas expressed, he would “put through” the girl who gave him syphilis. Thomas also told Doctor Carter it was Laura who had diseased him.
Pauline Foster testified, she had syphilis which she contracted at "Watangoo" (Watauga?) County. Before she came to live with the Meltons. She said she worked at their farm to earn money for the medicine to cure the disease. According to Pauline, Ann Melton encouraged her to have sex with Tom and insisted on that, so it happened. Pauline was the one who spread the disease on the other parties involved in their intimate relationship. Pauline had seen Ann in bed with Thomas. Colonel Isbell testified that it was common knowledge that “Ann Melton indulged in illicit intercourse with others besides the prisoner (Thomas Dula)”.
Laura’s father Wilson Foster was one of the witnesses at the trial. He testified that Laura left the family home, took her clothes, and the father’s mare.
Mrs. Betty Scott met Laura on Friday morning, when the latter was riding to the place where she was to meet with Tom. According to Laura, the two were to elope together. The ladies talked for a short while, Laura told Mrs. Scott what she was doing and where she was to meet Thomas.
Pauline Foster testified that on that same Friday she saw Thomas Dula at James Melton’s house.
The rumor was, Ann stabbed Laura when she was sitting at Tom’s lap. It could have meant Ann went to the place where Laura and Tom meant to meet.
Ann’s mother, Ms. Lotty Foster testified, Tom borrowed a “Mattach” from her on Thursday, before the day of Laura’s disappearance. The man was later seen, on the same day, by Martha Gilbert. Thomas was then working on the road, as he said ”making it wider so that he could go along at night.” I checked what the “Mattach” mentioned by the witnesses was. It was a tool called a mattock.
Laura’s body was found four to six weeks after she left her father’s house. Her grave was in a thicket ridge. The lady's body was decomposed, with no flesh on her face. She was recognized by the features of her teeth and her garments. The grave was not far from a river. Colonel Isbell testified, there were traces of a “Mattach” at Laura’s grave.
It was taken into consideration that Thomas possibly helped Ann to bury Laura’s body. It was mentioned (by Pauline Foster) during the trial that Ann put a knife under her bed.
After that, Thomas went to Tennessee, where he was later arrested.
Pauline Foster was detained after she made comments ( in front of two men) on Dula’s involvement in killing Laura.
Pauline and Mrs. James Scott testified on Ann’s violent behavior towards Pauline, after the latter had made comments on Thomas Dula being the one who murdered Laura. Ann attacked Pauline (at Mrs. Scott’s place) with a club, used aggressive language, and started choking Pauline, as well. Later, Ann Melton came back to Mrs. Scott’s house, threatened her and made Mrs. Scott swear she would say nothing to nobody about the entire incident. Pauline claimed, she learned from Thoams Dula that Ann Melton was jealous of her. The lady also said to Ann in the presence of Mrs. Scott “(…) You are as deep in the mud as I am in this mess.”
According to Washington Anderson’s testimony, who served with Thomas Dula in the same regiment and company, the Thomas was of good, peaceable, and honest character.
All the evidence was circumstantial and nothing was proved. Thomas claimed he was not guilty of murdering Laura. He was found guilty, though. He was a poor man and could not afford a good lawyer.
Thomas appealed to the Supreme Court of North Carolina. In the result of the following retrial, he was found guilty again. Thomas Dula was hanged on 1 May 1868 at 2:17 PM.
After his death, on 8th May, the “Salisbury Watchman”, a local newspaper, published a note regarding Thomas’ hanging. It included a statement allegedly signed by Dula. In that piece, he took the blame for murdering Laura Foster. One can only wonder whether the statement and the signature were legitimate and true. Based on that, Ann Melton was released from prison (in which she had spent two years) when her trial started later. Allegedly, a juror said “she was too pretty to hang”.
Ann Pauline Foster Melton died at the of about 31, in 1874, possibly of advanced venereal disease.
James Gilbert Melton remarried on 28 January 1875. His second wife was Luisa Gilbert, born on 3 November 1841, in Wilkes NC (8).
Pauline “Perline” Foster (whose first name was also Ann) passed in about 1890.
Well, quite a tragic story. May they all rest in peace.
1."North Carolina, Estate Files, 1663-1979", FamilySearch (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:QJDF-C5JG : Sat Mar 09 11:48:45 UTC 2024), Entry for Thomas P Dula, 1855.
2."North Carolina, County Marriages, 1762-2011 ", FamilySearch (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:XFS7-5J6 : Sat Mar 09 18:39:58 UTC 2024), Entry for James Milton and Anny Foster, 22 Jun 1859.
3."United States, Census, 1860", FamilySearch (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:MD63-2WC : Mon Jul 08 16:48:09 UTC 2024), Entry for Mary Dula and John Dula, 1860.
4."United States, Civil War Soldiers Index, 1861-1865", FamilySearch https://www.nps.gov/civilwar/search-soldiers-detail.htm?soldierId=C01939BA-DC7A-DF11-BF36-B8AC6F5D926A
7.“Tom Dula Case 1866-68. Insight: The Tom Dooley Story from Thomas Dula Papers 1866-1868. Private Collection 1272.1”
8."North Carolina, County Marriages, 1762-2011 ", FamilySearch (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:QKJ7-MJN3 : Sun Mar 10 18:35:49 UTC 2024), Entry for James Milton and Louise Gilbert, 28 Jan 1875.
